The Silence

 

Music surrounds every single once of me. From the tips of my toes to the very top of my head is filled with glorious notes from beautiful instruments. With a simple minor chord I can feel the chills roll over my body with extreme intensity. As the chord goes and fades through the air the chills stay and hug tighter wrapping me in its sound.  With all that’s left in the air there comes a silence that leaves you thinking about that chord and how beautiful it is. This is when I realize that I love the silence as much as I love the noise.

 

Music surrounds me
From my toes to my head
Filled with Glorious notes
From beautiful instruments

A simple chord sends chills
Over my body with extreme intensity
As it fades the chills stay
Wrapping me in its sounds

With all that’s left in the airThere comes a silence That leaves you thinkingAbout how beautiful it truly is

This is when I realize That I love the silence As much as I love the noise

Childhood

1.    What is your most poignant childhood memory? The one that sticks out the most?

    

A lot of my family lives in different states so I do a lot of traveling and I have a lot of memories on the road.  My trips to Council Bluffs, Iowa with my mom and my sister were probably the best ones because we can all play fight and be silly. I have been making this trip since I was born I. I can go to sleep wake up and know exactly where I am. Any way, If you’ve ever gone to Kansas city you’ve taken this way to get home. When your entering Springfield there’s a city limit, well when I was about 10 I discovered how amazing this stupid line is. Its 6-8 hours to Council Bluffs from Springfield. So on my way home from spending 2 months there we got stuck in traffic right on the city limit line. Well my mom and my sister were both in the front so they were in Springfield and I wasn’t so I started to cry. Not only because of that but because I was tired and I had to burp and I couldn’t burp. It was terrible and then they both started to laugh at me which wasn’t cool. Then on top of that the truck driver next to me started to laugh. I guess when I cry I’m just slap your knee funny.

2.    Who was the most important person to you during most of your childhood? Your Mom? Your Dad? Another relative? A friend? An imaginary person? Show some examples in which you see how much influence this person (or imaginary person) had on you while you were growing up.

My Grandpa or Grampidude was the most important person in my life during that time. He’s part of the reason I want to go into that health services. When I was 2 or 3 I got to spend a month in Forth worth Texas with him and my Dad. He was married to this old Asian woman who owned a flower shop I remember walking to it and how fresh it smelt, well she gave me an elephant and I’ve had it ever since. Grampidude was invisible he was my superhero he could save me from everything especially my Dad. He was strong and funny and lively and let me wonder within reason, I’d like to say he’s the reason why I’m so free spirited. It sucks to see him kind of wither away because of his drug use and alcoholism. My superhero found his kryptonite. And it’s killing both him and I.

3.    Is there something you know now you wish you knew when you were a kid?  Is there something you’ve come to know that you wish you didn’t?

This is kind of a hard question because I know that if I didn’t know those    things as a kid I wouldn’t be the same today. And the things I know about now that I’m older have kind of modeled me into a even better person. As a kid I knew about alcoholism and drug abuse and other things 10 year olds shouldn’t know about but I did because my Dad was all of that. I was the one that had to take care of him in his drunken stupor. I’m not trying to get attention, and I’m sure there are people out there who have had it worse than me. But this is something I wish I didn’t know. I wish I could tell my 12 year old self about boys and how much they can hurt you and affect yourself image. Because boys suck.

4.    Describe your nemesis growing up. Who made your life miserable and what did he/she do to make your life so rough?

I moved a lot in the past couple of years but in kindergarten I moved even more. I was stuck in Spokane Missouri, which if you don’t know is in-between Nixa and Branson. It’s so small that it has one stop light. Anyway my first day there my teacher said my last name wrong. Its Stuvick (Stu-vick) she said it stupid (Stu-pid). From then on I was stupid Stuvick. And it didn’t help that I was a so learner. That was pretty rough time period for my life.

Scary stories. There's one in a million but they all seem to be the same kind of. I read a lot of them today but my favorite one was "The secrets of a psychopath" super creepy and I couldn't stop reading. I loved how she went from the psychopath to the victim. It was a twist and you got a inside view from the other side. For sure hands down awesome! I also read Revenge and it was good, I wasn't expecting the drunken range. I liked how he threw in another character out of no where to add to the suspense.

In other news my Halloween plans consist in working. I have 2 different jobs, Hy-Vee and Stake and shake. Fun part is that I can dress up. At Hy-Vee I'm going to be a princess and wear my homecoming dress that I never got to wear, I work there 4-10. Then after that I go to stake and shake throw on my poorly made ninja costume and work 11-3am. Happy Halloween go work 12 hours! Growing up sucks because even if I didn't have to work Id probably just stay home since I guess Im to old to trick and treat....

 

When Im gone

“Uhhh” Something is holding me down. There’s a tight pressure on my throat, I can feel their cold fingers wrapped around my fragile throat. Each finger slowly putting more pressure down. I know realize how much I’m in love with air. “Stop breathing” I can hear him say. It’s too dark to see his face but the light that comes through my window shines barely enough for me to see that the person who’s holding me down is a man. Defined check bones, eyes deep, I can also see he’s smiling. “This is the man to kill me” I thought to myself. I can’t fight back he’s over my knees.  I’ve tried to get away, I’ve tried screaming and nothing comes out. He’s laughing now.  With one last gasp for air he lets go, I fall to the floor gasping for air. The softness of my carpet is almost comforting and I think back to when all I did was lay on the floor. That memory is quickly taken away as my murder grabs me by my legs and pulls me to him. He slowly puts himself on top of me and whispers in my ear barely loud enough for me to hear “your eyes, their ugly.”  Then moves to my other ear “Your body, it’s ugly.”  He is now standing over me and screams “You are ugly! You’re not worth anything! This is why this is happening to you! You’re the one making me do this, you deserve this!” He covers my eyes with one of my shirts and starts to carry me down my stairs. With each step I know exactly what picture is on the wall. The one of my brother and I from last Christmas, my Great Grandparents on their wedding day, my Mom and my Dad. I wonder if they’ll miss me. If they’ll try to look for me. I wonder what my brother will say to his friends. He’s now running through my house through the living room destroying everything. He turns quickly and hits my head on the wall I don’t notice the pain until things start to get fussy and suddenly all black.

             I wake up to a dirty room; I’m on my side facing away from the wall on a even dirtier couch. I sit up and feel this pain in my stomach. I lift up my shirt to see stitches on my stomach. “Lay back down” a voice says. It doesn’t sound familiar, and there is no one in the room with me. It sounds like a woman. And then she walks in. Long and skinny, she has olive skin with long blonde hair braided. She kind of looks like me, she comes and sits next to me and hands me a glass of water “You need to lay down for awhile and let the stitches heal for awhile” she says to me in a soft caring tone. “I’m Annabelle, I’m going to be taking care of you while Ryder is out” Ryder must be him, the one that took me away from my house, away from my family. Suddenly everything comes back to me. I remember him taking me here, the car ride in the trunk. How he swerved so many times. Him slapping me so many times when I got out and started to run. I can feel the coolness of the table he laid me on. I can feel the pressure of the knife on my stomach. And his hands inside. What do they want with me? 

           Ryder is back. I can now see his face. He has black hair that’s slightly curly, deep dark brown eyes, and a skinny face. He looks sickly; he’s tall with really pale skin. He picks Annabelle up and kisses her.  I want to cry but I know not to. That won’t help anything. I need to find a way out but there’s no window. Ryder comes and sits next to. I move away slightly, he notices and pulls me to him. “I’ve always wanted a daughter” I look over to Annabelle, she’s smiling.

            If they wanted a daughter why can’t they make their own, why do they have to have me? I want my family, I want my home, I want my bed, and I want this pain in my stomach to go away.  It’s been about a week I think if I go off buy how long I sleep, there’s not any clocks in my room. I’m not allowed to wonder so I have to stay in the living room. I tried one day and Ryder and Annabelle both hit me. My stiches are fading fast. Ryder says we can take them out soon. So far there’s been no sign of my family trying to find me. I guess they didn’t want me.

 

Weight Watchers on Halloween

As I reached into the bag of candy, I thought I heard a voice saying, “Pick me, pick me!” Suddenly I pictured being in a weight watchers commercial. “It was Halloween when I started to gain weight back in 2013, but weight watchers helped me take the weight off and keep it off!” The idea of saying that made me shiver; I realized my hand was still in the bag. Frozen I looked up at the woman handing me the candy, and then quickly said “I don’t want to be in a weight watchers commercial.”I walked away so quickly I might as well been running! Today was the day that I took over Halloween! Halloween did not take over me! Today I won at life.

     I couldn’t even imagine what else those candies say to people to get them to eat them. “Eat me I’m sweet” “ Eat me I’m ooie gooie” Might as well be candy prostitutes. Selling their selves to be eaten. The things candies do now a day.

The best custome Ive ever had

I’ve always made my own customs, I was never lucky enough to go out and buy a Dorothy dress or a scary mask. But what my mom and I came up with was pretty impressive. The year that Halloween Town came out I decided to be a troll like that the one in the second movie but I wanted to be green because green is my favorite color. It’s usually cold on Halloween so my mom mad me get these really baggy sweat pants and sweat shirt to go with it, they were white. So we sprayed them green and covered my face with green make up along with my hair that was teased to the heavens.  Finally when it was all done I looked hideous, you could see the white through the green, my hair wasn’t covered and quickly falling. It wasn’t the best and I didn’t look like the cute pink troll on Halloween town. But that’s not what makes it the best. It’s the fact that my mom really worked hard on it. I was so mad at her back then but now that I think about it, it was pretty funny!

A cup for revenge

1 cup desire

½ cup of Madness

¼ cup lust

 A dash of love

1 tsp. guilt

2 tbsp. of worthlessness

1 cup of regret

2 cups of heart ache

Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Also get really mad if not this won’t work. Mix together Desire, lust, and guilt into a medium size bowl. Then in another bowl mix together worthlessness, regret, madness, and love.  Put Desire, lust, guilt into the other bowl mix together briskly. Finally put heartache in the mixture. Pour into cup and have he or she drink it. Everything you could ever want them to feel is in this little drink.

Side effects: Getting back together, more heartache, you could get fat because of all the chocolate you’ll eat.

This spell will make your ex sweetheart feel every bad feeling you’ve ever felt because of them.

Music makes me think

  This week we were told to do some stuff with music. Write about it, answer questions about it, make a poem out of song lyrics, and more stuff. But it got me thinking. How many times a day do you think of a song that you heard on the radio on your way to school? Why does that song get stuck in your head? And why do we remember songs from years ago?
  All of those questions are good questions but can you answer them? I believe that reason you do remember those songs is because it made you feel some. It pulled at your heart strings, cliché I know, but its true. Without that one song you heard on your way to work or school, your day would go with what that song made you feel. This morning I heard "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus and although it made me sad I also felt like I was ready to move on from my totally stupid nine month relationship even if he "wrecked me." Songs like that is what really makes you or breaks you. It amazes me how one song could so much power.
  Find your song and run with it. Play it a thousand times over and over again for months because if it makes you better there's no reason why you shouldn't be happy. You deserve that.

A letter with in songs

They tell me I'm too young to understand but all this time I was finding myself, and you could be luck, because all I know right now is that I will always want you. And that moment you pulled out the wedding rings in the movies, I fell under your spell. It was crazy to thing that all you ever did was break me. Because when we kissed everything felt right. Things are different now and I could show you love if you just gave me a chance! But you say I'm caught up in a dream, well my dreams are you. I cant tell where the journey will end, But I want it to end next to you.

What I think about music

Number 1) When you listen to music, what feelings/emotions does it evoke?
  It all just depends what music I'm listening to. I have this app and its called 8 tracks. It has all of these adjectives like "Love" "Cheater" "lonely" and stuff like that. Its pretty cool because I can usually tell how I'm feeling by the way I choose what I want to listen to.

Number 2) Without Music, the world would be....
 Without music this world wouldn't be the same. So many historical things have happened around music. And a lot of us identifies our personal history by what we were listening to at that point of time. Like when I was told I was cheated on back in September I will always remember that day because it was like the same day wrecking ball came out.

Number 3) Is there any style of music that should not be tolerated? Why?
 Punk is the worst music in the world. I had a class called the History of rock and roll and I had to study punk music and listen to that crap and when it came to the test I was like "This is not music, this is trash." They say "Rock and Roll is dead" well resurrect that and kill punk because that is not okay with me.

Number 4) What does music do for you that nothing else can?
 Music is my time. It does everything for me. It picks me up, it brings me down, it puts me to sleep. If it had a body it would be my boyfriend because its always been there for me.

Number 5) Does music have the power to heal? How do you know?
 It for sure has the power to heal. Because if it can make you feel happy and if you're happy and you don't feel good you're going to feel better just because music has that weird power to do that to you. And I don't know for sure. But I also don't know if Santa is real so maybe I'm not the person to ask. But I do know if you really want to something you'll  work for that. And if you want to feel better really bad then you put on that rocky song, throw your fist up and get better(:

What teachers say about music

Well I was told to go to my favorite teachers in the school and ask them questions about music. Pretty interesting answers. I went to two computer applications teachers, and a band teacher here's there answers, and mine and some mobo jumbo.

Number 1) What Music or songs reminds of your childhood
 Mr.Mustain- Back Street Boys
 Me- Jessie Girl
 *  Pretty weird how he said a group from the 90's and I said a song from the 80's. Interesting how diverse generations can be. Momma didn't raise no fool and let her children grow up with the good music, others raised a fool.

Number 2)Who is your favorite singer or group or song and why?
 Mr. Coffee- Rascal Flatts "Cuz their country"
 Me- If I had to choose I would say that I like Cheap Trick or even Miley because although they are weird I love the way they make me feel. And I love their sound
 * If you knew Mr. Coffee you can probably see him saying "Cuz their country" what a dork teacher, but he's pretty cool. I would have never expected him to say that

Number 3) What music reminds you or someone you love? Your child? Spouse? Parents?
 Mr. Coffee- Country, Soft Rock
 Me- The Beatles
 * Both types of music have great songs that speak about love, I would like to think that country is more about the true hard core love, but what do I know Im 17

Number 4)Do you go to concerts? Which concerts are memorable to you? Why
 Mr. Peterson (Band Teacher)- Justin Timberlake
 Me- The Avett Brothers, Most amazing night in my freshman year
  * The Avett Brothers have such a great sound and the type of people who go to their concerts are just amazing! As little old me it blew my mind!

Number 5) What radio stations do you normally listen to in your car? Do you sing along?
 Mr. Peterson- Talk Radio
 Me- I channel surf between everything, it just depends what's on
 * Mr.P is a band teacher so I thought it was kind of funny how he listens to talk radio but he's around music all the time so it makes sense how he said that.

Number 6)Which Music or artist was "controversial" or "offensive" to some when you were growing  up? Is any music offensive to you now?

 Mr. Peterson- Its all art
 Me- I would like to say Miley but I love her and what she stands for
  * When I talked to Mr. P about this he really opened up my eyes to music. Its not just a drum and lyrics its like a painting. It is art, beautiful and "Controversial" just like most art. A naked woman could be offensive but to others to magical and amazing. "Beauty is in the eye of the be holder"

Number 7) Which Music or Artist do you really dislike or refuse to listen to?
 Mr. Peterson- Short sports of time with everything
 Me- I can not stand punk at all.
  * What Mr. P means is like at thanksgiving you might not totally like that green bean casserole thing that your aunt betty made but just a little is enough for you. Its kind of like that, if you know what I mean